I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
