Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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