Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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