A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
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i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
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When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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