did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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