At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
