Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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