when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He passed out mid-signature
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
