i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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