talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
