This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize