well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
