She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
