Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
