I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
