My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
