and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
