I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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