That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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