yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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