Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
