True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
