I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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