I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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