My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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