I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
