In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
