I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
