So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
