So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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