I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
