I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
