I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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