she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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