Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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