you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
