Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
