I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
