I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
