my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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