Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
wow bdsm is so cute
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