I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
