I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize