Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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