I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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