I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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