As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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