Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
