I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
