And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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