my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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