It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
is wine microwaveable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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