And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
