I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
