remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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