we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
