im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
