Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
