just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
